Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
one two three fourrrrnication!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
