I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
