I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
