What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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