We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize