White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
