Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
