You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
