yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
