I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
high people should be assigned attendants
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
