Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
