I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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