I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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