We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
