Plan B is the new Plan A
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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