I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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