You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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