I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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