Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
