Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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