dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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