So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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