I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
