forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
