they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is the high leading the old right now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
