It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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