I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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