So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
