i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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