I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
