if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize