I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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