Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
