My sheets look like a crime scene.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
