i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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