when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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