haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
