How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
