I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
