he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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