So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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