My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
