You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
