I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
