Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
