it was like having sex with a tree stump
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
