JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
