Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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