I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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