How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The chlamydia really affected his face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
