Redeem this text for a blowjob
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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