We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
