Apparently you make a good broom.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
