areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
