My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
