We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
