I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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