We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
