Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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