I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
