Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
