I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
