I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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