am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
