I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
