I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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