someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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