Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
