I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Soap is not a condiment
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
