i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Welp...herpes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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