he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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